See the Person First: A Young Person's Guide to Relating to Adults With Disabilities

An adult with a disability is an adult. They have opinions, routines, favorite things, work, humor, and bad days, just like anyone else. Their disability may be part of their life, but it is not their whole story.

You don’t need a perfect script to connect with someone. Start with the same respect you’d want for yourself: greet them, listen, and let them lead when it comes to their preferences. You’ve got this.

Start With a Real Greeting

Say hello to the person you’re meeting. If they’re with a friend, interpreter, aide, or family member, don’t speak to that person as if the adult isn’t there. Face the adult and include them in the conversation.

Use your usual tone and volume. Don’t shout, over-enunciate, slow down dramatically, or use baby talk unless the person asks you to communicate differently. Adults deserve to be addressed as adults.

Offer a handshake as naturally as you would with anyone else. They may accept, decline, or greet you another way. Follow their lead without making it a big moment. Make eye contact naturally if it works for both of you. Never force it.

When greeting a blind person, say who you are. A simple “Hi, I’m Jordan” helps them know who has joined the conversation. If you’re speaking with someone who is deaf or hard of hearing, get their attention respectfully. Say their name, wave, or, if appropriate, use a light touch on the shoulder. Then ask what communication works best. Speaking louder isn’t automatically helpful.

Make Space for an Equal Conversation

Talk with the person, not around them. Give them time to respond. Listen to what they say instead of guessing what they might need or be able to do.

If you’re having a longer conversation with someone who uses a wheelchair, sit or position yourself at a comfortable eye level when you can. That can make it easier to talk without asking them to look up for a long time. Don’t pat their shoulder or head, lean on their chair, or treat the chair like a place to put your things.

A wheelchair, cane, walker, communication device, or service animal belongs to the person’s personal space. Don’t move, handle, or borrow someone’s equipment without permission. Don’t pet, distract, or call a service animal. Ask first if you have a question, and respect the answer.

Offer Help, Then Let Them Choose

It’s okay to offer help. Ask before stepping in: “Would you like a hand?” or “Is there a way I can make this easier?” Then pause and let the person decide.

They might say yes, explain what would help, or say no. Accept their answer without pushing. Unwanted help can interrupt someone’s plans and take away their independence, even when you mean well.

If they accept, follow their instructions. Don’t grab a wheelchair, cane, or someone’s arm to guide them. Ask what they’d prefer and listen. The person knows their needs better than you do.

Choose Words That Respect the Person

People use different words to describe disability. Some prefer “person with a disability.” Others prefer “disabled person.” If you’re unsure, ask politely when it feels relevant, or use the language the person uses for themself.

Avoid words that reduce someone to a condition or suggest they are lesser, helpless, or defined by hardship. Don’t use “cripple,” “victim,” or “suffers from.” Don’t use “handicapped” as a noun, or “special” as a label for a person. And don’t say someone is “wheelchair-bound.” Say they use a wheelchair.

Avoid using “normal” as the opposite of disabled. Try “non-disabled” when it’s needed, or simply say “everyone.” The National Institutes of Health language guidance notes that preferences vary; the person’s own choice matters.

If you choose the wrong word, you can recover. Apologize briefly, correct yourself, and move on. A quick “Sorry: I meant disabled person” is enough. You don’t need to turn the moment into a long explanation or ask the other person to reassure you.

Let Curiosity Follow Their Lead

It’s okay to notice that someone has a disability. Respect doesn’t require pretending you haven’t noticed. But don’t make disability the whole conversation, pry about someone’s body, or lead with personal questions about how their disability happened.

If the person brings it up, listen. If they don’t, talk about the things you’d talk about with any adult: the event you’re both at, a shared interest, a project, music, work, or whatever feels natural. Let the conversation grow at its own pace.

Be careful with praise, too. Don’t call someone inspirational just for getting through an ordinary day, going to work, or doing something you might do yourself. That can sound like you expected less from them. Celebrate actual accomplishments, creativity, effort, and skill, not someone’s existence.

Learn From Trusted Guidance

You don’t have to figure out every interaction alone. The ADA’s guidance on effective communication explains that communication needs vary and may call for different tools or approaches. The key lesson for everyday conversations is simple: ask the person what works for them, then respect their answer.

You can also explore Whaikaha’s guidance on supporting disabled people’s dignity. These resources can help you build understanding, but no guide replaces listening to the person in front of you.

Remember Six Everyday Actions

When you meet an adult with a disability, keep it simple:

1. Greet the person directly.
2. Speak in your usual, respectful tone.
3. Ask before helping.
4. Listen instead of assuming.
5. Respect personal space, equipment, and service animals.
6. See the person, not a category.

Maybe you’ll meet someone at school, work, a community event, or through a friend. Whatever the setting, you don’t need to make the interaction complicated. Be present. Be courteous. Give the other person room to be themself.

Minds Matter Resource Group believes every person matters. You can learn more about that commitment on our promise page, or get in touch to learn about the organization’s community work.

Empathy isn’t a special skill for special people. It’s the same courtesy and respect you’d want, applied without hesitation. Start there. Let the person set the pace. Keep showing up as a thoughtful, genuine part of the conversation.